I Don't Remember

"Madelyn, where did you work?"
"I...I don't remember."
My aunt Madelyn has dementia. She doesn't remember well pretty much anything. During my great aunt's funeral, I got to spend an hour listening to Madelyn talk. She talked in circles and gave me a headache. Nothing made any sense! My mom decided to "question" my aunt to see how much she knew. I'm going to say this now, she has no idea who she is, where she is, and why she is where she is. She's been living in Two Harbors, Minnesota for most of her life with Uncle Bob (her husband and my dad's brother). When she began talking, she claimed she's only been here for three weeks and she complained about how hard it was to decide what to bring. Having no idea what she's talking about made our conversation hard to follow and my response was either laughter or "yes" "ya" "yup" "mhmm". Watching my aunt Janice converse with Madelyn was interesting and difficult. I'm not sure I could keep sane listening to her talk anymore. Then, my dear old uncle Bob decided to walk down the hallway. He was showing my dad and Uncle Paul the pictures and rooms they've seen so many times. Bob has Alzheimer's which is way different then dementia, as I have learned while watching them interact. Bob remembers things from the past, but not things that happened last week or what he said a few seconds ago. While Madelyn, can't remember things that happened 50 years ago or 10 seconds ago.
Uncle Bob is my dad's oldest brother. As I have watched him go downhill into a deeper case of Alzheimer's I have realized that one day, that will be my dad.Grandpa Blaisdell also had this horrible disease, he died due to the fact that he forgot to eat and became very ill. My dad lost Grandpa when he was in his late twenties. Watching my dad get upset when he talks about his dad gives me a glimpse into my future. The oldest any of his brothers have lived up to is 76, and that's only because Bob is most definitely a fighter. My dad is going to be 67 when I graduate. I can already see signs of him starting to fall into the daze of forgetfullness. I always hear him say, "I don't remember if I ate today." This is a very scary thought. I can't even begin to explain how scared I am that my dad may  possibly not get to meet his grandchildren, see me get married or graduate college, and who knows, he may not even be here next year to see me graduate high school. Being the youngest, I've gotten to get very close to my dad. My dad is wrapped around my finger, and this is because I am a daddy's girl. My dad is the most important thing in my life. My dad enjoys making jokes about forgetting my name, forgetting how to play cards (then whooping our butts!) or how he's going to die soon. He knows how upset it makes me, but he's just trying to make me laugh and forget about his age.
Thinking about how short my dad's life may be is difficult. I hate even thinking my parents will die, which is something I need to get over. When my dad loses his memory and possibly forgets my name, I'll just have to roll with whatever he throws at me. I'm never giving up on my dad because he never gives up on me. I've learned to enjoy the time I have with him and it's made him and I so much closer. Our relationship is strong, and I'll always be my daddy's little girl...even if he doesn't remember that.

Bye-Bye North Dakota

North Dakota, where I grew up and still reside today, is not what I'd like to call an ideal place of living for me. I prefer to be warm enough where I don't have to wear a sweatshirt just to keep a little warm. If North Dakota could stay as wonderful as it is during the summer, I'd be perfectly fine. However, my home is a little bit moody and decides to get cold.
Now, I'm not here to complain about North Dakota and it's weather. Consdering the title, I'm sure anyone could realize that. I'm actually super stoked about going to Texas this summer with my good friend Kylie and my mom. We're going to a LCMS (Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod) Youth Gathering in San Antonio,  Texas. Unfortunately, we're traveling all the way there in a bus not on a plane. We're leaving on a Friday at about FIVE in the morning and not getting there until Saturday. Not too excited about that part. However, my week long vacay in a so much warmer place is exactly what I need. Being the curious person I am, I went searching on Google for the Marriott Rivercenter in San Antonio, which is the hotel we're staying in. I'm pretty sure I died, obviously not literally. The whole architectural aspect of it is ridiculous. It has 38 floors and over 915 rooms, with an outdoor pool to cool you off from the hot summer sun, and not to mention it happens to be connected to a mall.
If I said I know a whole lot about what's going to happen during this trip, I'd be lying. I have no idea what we're doing, what's going to happen, or even if it's going to be an experience I'll enjoy. All I can say is I'm excited to be far away from home. I can say I've gone to the East Coast, but not the South which is another reason I'm excited to go. A goal in my life is to go to every state in the United States, possibly excluding Alaska. Going on this trip will subtract four states from my list including, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Texas, and Kansas. I'm overly ecstatic, and not to mention impatient. Texas, here I come!!!!

Summer Lovin

Ah, summer. My favorite word. Most kids are just so happy to get out of school. I'm not saying I'm not excited about that, because I am! But, the whole, warm weather, being with friends, the lake, and just so many other things, are the reasons why I love summer.
Last summer I visited my grandma in Gackle, and stayed there over the weekend during the Fourth of July. I'm always excited because they have a huge firework display for the whole city. After I then go home and lay down on the street or curb; either one is completely safe due to the empty town. Usually it's warm enough to sit with jeans and a light sweater with an old blanket on the ground. After I was settled in, that's when the fun started. I heard a huge BOOM!!! I look up and the neighbor kid lit a firework. I couldn't help but let some "Ooo"s and "aaah"s. I heard another one. I turned to my left and saw that the young kids from the other side of town were lighting some off! Now, don't get so excited...the town is about 10 blocks long, maybe. My niece, who traveled with me, yawns. I looked at my phone and realized that it was past midnight. It was time for the sleepy old town to head off to bed.
I look forward to seeing her and the town that I actually love. It may be small, with hardly any kids, but it's my summer hideaway. It's a way to get out off my hometown. I enjoy going there to see all the nursing home residents, they all know me well because I tend to go there a lot. Of course, they know me as "Nona's daughter" or "Edris's grandkid". Either way, I enjoy seeing them. Gackle my town, my favorite place to go, my safe place. Sounds odd, but I love it and can't wait to revisit my summer memories.